Tory Lane
Sunday, April 25th, 2010
Click Here to see Tory Lane at Facial Abuse
Fuck… am I pissed. It’s a bit of a long story, but bear with me… it’s entertaining.
It started when Red came into my office all happy and shit. He yells, “Dude… I just booked Tory Lane.” I fucking jumped out of my chair and slapped him a high five (and I hate that shit). After about 10 minutes of playing grab ass with each other, I told him, “Round up the crew… lunch is on me.”
Everyone hops in my SUV and we head to Burger King. I drop them off and give Red a $20 and tell him to treat everyone to whatever they want. He asks if I’m coming in. I fucking look at him like he’s nuts… like I’d ever be caught dead eating Burger King. I told him I’m heading to the classy Italian joint down the street and I’ll be back in an hour to pick them up.
Fast Forward to the day of the shoot.
I head to Super Cuts to get a fresh style for my lid. I then head to the mall and pick up a nice new pair of slacks and the hot new Air Jordans. I’m looking good.
So there I was, patiently waiting for Tory to arrive. I’ve been a fan of her for years and have to admit that I’m a little starstruck.
Red comes barging in my office yelling, “Dude… she’s here!!!”
I tell him to escort her into the studio and then to my office.
As he heads down to greet her, I situate myself for the big moment. I was going to pretend to be reading a book when she walks in, but that wouldn’t impress her. She’s a whore and probably never read a book in her life. Then, I thought about just counting a big stack of money in front of her, but figured that would make things worse. She’d probably end up trying to weasel more money from me for the shoot. I furiously racked my brain on what would make a good first impression and the answer was so fucking simple… PUSH-UPS!!! So, I got down and started pumping them out.
The moment of truth arrived. The door opens… and in walks Tory Lane.
I look up, then look at Red and then go, “Who the fuck is this?”
“Tory Lane”, Red says.
“Bullshit. Is this some kind of fucking joke?”, I scream.
I walk out of the room and into the other room where we keep stacks of old porn movies. I pick up a favorite movie of mine and then it hit me. I thought we were shooting CHASEY LAIN. I fucking love that girl. I have no idea who this Tory broad is… but she’s no Chasey.
I call Red and “not Chasey” into the room and I explain that there has been a huge mix up. I explain that she’s just not the woman I thought she was and it’s probably best that she leave immediately. Red butts in and tells me that she flew all the way from Los Angeles to work for us. I ask Red, “Planes fly BACK to Los Angeles, right?”. He begs that we film a scene with her because she’s really popular with porn fans. I look her dead in the eye and say, “I never heard of you!”
Fuck… even thinking back on this fiasco gets me all pissed. Long story short… I shot the scene. Paid her one third of what I promised her. Deducted the cost of my haircut, new slacks and sneakers from Red’s paycheck and also made him give me back the $20 I shelled out for lunch. Fuck it.
- Duke Skywalker

